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Being Firstborn Increases Your Duty

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I think my firstborn nature is keeping me from reaching one of my goals. There is something about firstborns that they are duty-bound.

They diligently follow through on something until it’s complete. We have a kind of gyroscopic equilibrium deep inside us that does not stabilize until we have done what we think is right.

Of course, what we think is right probably came from all the “no’s” we got from our parents in the first two years of life. The more “no’s” we got back then, the harder it is now to maintain that inner balance.

How this is playing out for me right now is with food and my weight goal. I hope to reach my target weight goal by the end of the month but the problem is we are over a week into the new year and I’m still trying to clean up the excesses of Christmas food.

… Not so much the turkey, more like the candy, baking, and other calorie-laden edibles.

You see, right now along with every meal, I also have to consume morsels of good cheer that are lingering in our pantry and fridge.

And yes, I said “have to” because of my firstborn nature, and the program my parents instilled in me before I was really accountable for anything.

Those Ferrero Rochers HAVE TO be eaten. Lil’s allergic to hazelnuts so I HAVE TO do them in. Then there are the liquorice allsorts and the peanut brittle, and . . . I could go on and on.

I’m not even mentioning the cookies and other baking.

Every time I open the pantry, I start to get vertigo unless I pop something in my mouth. This firstborn thing is really getting to me. I know what I need to be doing, but this thing I have about cleaning up is killing me!

With every piece of chocolate, every Christmas cookie, I sense my cholesterol on the rise. But I say to myself, “It’s just until I get rid of all this stuff.”

The problem is there’s so much of it. And because Lil’s not a firstborn, it’s all on me to do the clean up.

I know, it’s a heavy weight to bear . . . literally.

I have a choice to make. I either gorge myself and get rid of it all quickly (and in the process gain about 10 more pounds), or I slowly kill myself by eating just bits every day.

I think my second choice would take until March which is way past my target weight date. But the other prospect will have me living on my new rowing machine for hours every day to work off the poundage I’ll be putting on.

I just wish my parents hadn’t said “no” so often when I was a child so I didn’t have to say “yes” so often now.

Well it’s morning now, and the cream I’ve been adding to the milk with my cereal is finished so I’m done with that. I will, however, need to finish off Lily’s caramel corn later today.  Man, it never ends.

Here’s the thing: There are a lot of things that we might feel bound to – one of those things should be our spiritual growth. We should have a feeling deep inside that things are not quite right unless we are growing spiritually. We should feel like we are out of sorts unless we take care of our spiritual needs. Stay stabilized and commit to your spiritual growth this year.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you plan to grow spiritually this year? Leave your comment below.

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Preparation Should Be Our Focus 

Have you noticed how much time goes into preparation as opposed to the actual event?

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It’s usually double, triple or more time than the event itself!

The other night we had some guests over for dinner. It was a great time and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.

But the time it took to prepare for the dinner was exorbitantly more than the dinner itself.

I’m not a cook but I noticed how long Lil spent in preparation for the meal … it’s no wonder people eat at restaurants so frequently.

You can leave home for a fast food joint, be fed and return home in the same or less time than it takes to prepare a meal yourself. And you don’t have the clean up either!

You just have to remember what the symbols for bottles, paper and food look like so you can put your trash and recycling in the right place.

But this discrepancy of time between preparation and an event happens in all aspects of life.

I remember my kids would spend hours setting up their hot wheel track all over the basement.  They would test it out to make sure they had the power chargers in the right places so that the cars would have enough speed to make it through to the end.

When it was all set up and ready to go, it took about 10 seconds for a car to go from start to finish.

I know that for me to preach a sermon takes about 30 -35 minutes – at least that’s what I aim for.  But to prepare for that thirty minute sermon takes a good 15 hours or so.

Back when I was in high school, I waited outside A&A record store on Yonge St., in downtown Toronto, all night to get tickets to an Elton John concert.

The concert was about 3 hours in total, but I had invested way more time!

What I noticed is we spend all kinds of time preparing for things that we are looking forward to. It’s like we do the work to reap the pleasure – only the pleasure lasts for such a short time in comparison.

What we really need to do is switch what we find our pleasure in. We should really be taking pleasure in the preparation to get the full enjoyment of the event or activity.

How much better would it be at the end of the night, washing up the dishes after a dinner party, to have taken pleasure in the preparation of the whole event?

We wouldn’t make comments like, “That was nice, but a lot of work”.

Instead, we would have savoured the time spent wrapping the cutlery in the napkins, or peeling the carrots, or cleaning the bathrooms (well, maybe not that one).

When it was all done we would be excited to do it all over again really soon. But who am I kidding? I’m just trying to figure out a way to convince Lily to put our china dishes in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand!

Here’s the thing: We like outcomes, the main event; we try to reduce preparation. But it is in the preparation that the outcome, the main event, is as enjoyable as it is. To become more Christlike in our attitude and actions takes preparation. Time spent with God and His word is where He works on getting you all ready and presentable to emulate His Son.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be the biggest time discrepancy between preparation and outcome? Leave your comment below.

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New Year’s Eve Plans

Wow, the end of another year! It came up quickly and we had no plans as usual.

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Well, I guess we did have plans; they were the same plans we have most years on New Year’s Eve: we hang out, snack a little, and watch some New Year’s Eve countdown show on TV.

That’s pretty much it. There have been a few years where we’ve varied our pattern but this is the regular “no plan” plan for the end of the year.

But I was leaning away from that plan this year, and it was all because of a TV advertisement for a New Year’s Eve show this year.

I saw an ad for this year’s New Year’s Eve show on ABC called, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.

The problem with this show is that Dick Clark is no longer with us. In fact, he’s been gone for over two years now. What kind of a New Year’s show is it when the host of the show is not really ringing in the new year with you?

How great a new year can it be if the host isn’t joining you in the celebration?

There is just something wrong about it, that almost says there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the new year.

Maybe the executives at ABC are getting older and don’t have the same optimism as they used to, so why not have a deceased person’s name on the advertising? Nothing spells excitement like that!

I had in mind we should change things up this year. It was kind of late to be making plans with only three days to the big day, but I thought we needed to make the night a little more interesting and add a little hope to the evening.

The problem with putting more effort into NYE is that it happens so often that you blink and it’s here again. And you start to think, “Didn’t we just have New Year’s not that long ago?”

That’s what age does though; it speeds up time for you. A year for someone in their 50’s is like a year and a half for someone in their 20’s.

When you’re in your 20’s you can barely remember the last new year’s, and so it’s a big deal every time it comes around.

But when you get a little older, you feel like you just booked your dinner reservations for last December 31, and now you have to do it again already.

When you’re young, a new year offers all kinds of new opportunities and hopes, but when you’re older you just hope things will hold their own in the new year and there won’t be any surprises.

When you think of it, New Year’s Eve is really for the young, or the young at heart.

After some thought, we changed up our plans and went out … but still made it home in time to watch “Dick Clark’s postmortem New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

Here’s the thing: If the sound of giving in to getting older doesn’t seem all that good to you, then fight to stay young at heart. Get out of your rut and breathe some hope and excitement into your routines like New Year’s Eve. And while you’re at it, take a look at your relationship with God – have you gotten safe, comfortable, boring with God? Look at this new year as an opportunity to enhance your relationship with God. Consider how you can engage with God in more hope and opportunity.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you do on New Year’s Eve this year? Leave your comments below.

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We Started A New Tradition … Maybe

We all have Christmas traditions. We look forward to them; they bring out the warmth of the season.

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When we lived in Edmonton we had a tradition on Christmas Eve of going out for dinner after our Christmas Eve service. We would go to the Chateau Lacombe Hotel.

It had a revolving restaurant which overlooked the river valley in Edmonton. It was high enough to give a great view of the whole city, especially at night during the Christmas season – the sight was spectacular with all the lights!

Lily and I would always get Chateaubriand for two. It was perfect with live music and a constantly changing panoramic view out the window.

That was our Christmas tradition … well, it was until we moved to Kingston.

Kingston doesn’t have a hotel with a revolving restaurant. In fact, it doesn’t have a restaurant that is open on Christmas Eve, period.

We needed a new tradition for Christmas Eve and that is when we started having a fondue after our Christmas Eve service.

We had some memorable family times together around the table, cooking up big screwers of meat in oil that was at the point of spontaneous combustion.

There was the time that Lily set the table on fire – that was awesome and memorable! … You then keep the tradition just to see if that will happen again!

Fond memories. But like many traditions, that tradition came to an end. Karlie was not able to be with us for the first time this Christmas Eve. She was not able to arrive until about midnight, just shortly before Santa Claus was about to do the present thing and get to bed him and herself.

We needed a new tradition. It would be just Lil, our son Mike and me. We were going to be up waiting for Karlie; we needed something to do.

So I got the bright idea that we should all make our favourite cookies together and have some hot wings to nibble on while we did it.

Everyone was willing to give it a shot (and Karlie wished she had been here to see the whole event).

Lily had laid out bowls and ingredients for each type of cookie Mike and I were going to make. Then she did what she does best.

She hovered, and would say things like, “No, don’t do that. No, that’s not how you do it” …  we had to send her out of the room.

That didn’t stop her from calling instructions from another room like “No, don’t mix that in yet”.

But somehow, through all the distraction, all the mess and debris that kept being flung out of the mixing bowls, we created two kinds of masterly-crafted cookies that melted succulently in our mouths.

The wings weren’t bad either. Lil really chipped in with the clean up, partly because she couldn’t handle the mess we had generated.

Who knows? Maybe it will become a tradition … or maybe not if Lily has her way.

Here’s the thing: Routines can be like traditions and when it comes to making time for God each day, having great traditions or routines make that time more memorable. They make that time something you look forward to. So as you plan how you will spend your time with God in the new year, think of some traditions or routines you can set in place. You will be amazed at the memories you will make with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is your favourite Christmas tradition?

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Bring On Christmas!

Well, our house is finally decorated for Christmas. It has been about a two week process. We’ve lived in a Christmas construction zone in that time, with boxes and decorations lying in wait to be placed where they need to be.

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It’s not just the living room that needs to be decorated, our family room gets almost as much glitter and lights as the upstairs.

For me, I’m glad that it’s all finished now because the in-between stage looks so unfinished and I really don’t like the clutter.

For two weeks I haven’t been able to walk around our pool table and if I need to get in a few more steps for the day, I need that space to pace around in.

But now everything is in place where it should be and the Christmas work site has now turned into a beautiful scene of lights, ornaments and ribbon. Lily’s happy with it and that makes me happy.

Not that I really contributed to the putting up of all the decorations – she has an idea of what she wants to do and I’d probably mess things up if I got involved … at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself of.

Sunday afternoon I sat down on the couch and ended up taking a well-deserved nap. When I awoke, Lily had just finished that last touches on the decorations. I figured I woke up just in time.

She asked what I thought and I said it all looked great. I think she was looking for something more, maybe something more flowery or possibly a “I’ll help take it all down”, but the best I could offer at the time was “great job, dear”.

Hey, I was still waking up.

It’s not like I don’t do anything to contribute to the Christmassy look around our house. I put up the lights outside … and Lil doesn’t help me with them.

I have to risk life and limb going up on a ladder to string the lights along the garage eavestrough and then use an extension ladder to secure the lights along the peak of our roofline.

I don’t see her needing a ladder to put her newly spray-painted star on top of the tree … well maybe a step stool.

I was able to get all my decorating done in one afternoon and not the two weeks that we have had to wade through the junk.

But it’s all good now. We are ready for this season we call Christmas.

The decorations are just a mood-setter for what the season is all about. I think the trimmings trigger memories and alter our mood to usher in a most special time of year where we celebrate the birth of Jesus, God’s Son, who came to restore us to God.

Here’s the thing:  Like decorating for Christmas moves us into experiencing the season with a greater depth of feeling, taking time in the next couple of weeks to focus your attention on Jesus and His birth will move you to cherish Him more. The thing is, like putting up the decorations takes effort, take effort to spend some time in God’s Word around the miracle of the Messiah’s birth.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How much effort goes into preparing for your Christmas? Leave your comment below.

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Embarrassment Can Last Forever

I’m sure everyone, at some point, has wanted to kick themselves for something they did or said.  For many of us, this happens rather frequently … too frequently for my liking.

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I remember entering a Sunday School class when I was in my teens and making a snide remark about the teacher, thinking he wasn’t there yet … only to hear the teacher respond. At that moment, I wanted to take my words back.

As I recall, I didn’t remain in the class for the whole lesson that Sunday.

Then there was the time I was with a bunch of friends on a bus and I saw a man burning leaves on his front lawn. I yelled some comment out to the man which, in the moment, I thought was quite witty.

But all my friends thought it was lame – I mean really lame! I was pretty embarrassed at that moment, and every once in a while, even 40 years later, I still feel like kicking myself for making that comment.

The times we stick our foot in our mouth – or do something so dumb that the actors of “Dumb and Dumber 2” would be embarrassed for us – stay with us and its hard to forget them.

But the worst are the times we say or do things that hurt someone else. Those are the worst because it’s about more than just being mortified or humiliated; you’ve caused someone pain as a result.

By the time you’re in your 50’s, you’d think those days would be over. When the person is a loved one, like a daughter, you’d think this couldn’t happen.

But it did happen with me the other day. I was in a meeting … a prayer meeting. Four of us had grouped together and shared some personal things we wanted prayer for.

I was just about to pray for my daughter Karlie – in fact, the first few words had come out of my mouth – when my phone started to ring.

I know, you’re supposed to turn your phone off in the movies, services and prayer meetings. Well I hadn’t, and my ringer is a funky piano tune.

I panicked and went for my phone, quickly swiping my finger across the screen and answering it.

Of course being in a prayer meeting I couldn’t talk loudly, so I quietly said, “Hang on; I’m in a meeting,” as I moved to an exit.

That’s right, I left praying for my daughter to answer a phone call!

I was kicking myself all the way to the exit. And I’ve been kicking myself ever since!

How could someone do that? How could I do that? What message did I send my daughter in that moment?

I know this is one of those moments that I will cringe about every time I think of it … for years! You can’t take your actions back; you can’t undo what’s been done.

All I could do is say, “I’m sorry, Karlie. I panicked and did the wrong thing. Will you forgive me?”

Here’s the thing:  When we sin, that memory can linger with us and Satan can use it against us to discourage us, to make us too embarrassed to go to God with it. But the best thing, the only thing we should do, is confess our sin to God and move on from there. You can’t take it back. You might not even be able to forget it, but it doesn’t have to keep you from restoring your relationship with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s one of your most embarrassing moments and what did you do about it?  Leave your comment below.

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What Fall And Taxes Have In Common

Well, it’s late fall and you know what that means . . . winter is coming soon. Well, for most people that’s what it means. For me, it means running around and gathering information to send to Revenue Canada.

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It seems that every year or so at this time I’m politely asked to explain some of the deductions on my income tax.

I know it’s kind of late in the year. I submitted my tax return in March, received my notice of return back in April, and now in November I get a letter saying “wait a minute, we’d like to see some documentation to support your claim”.

I’ve had my refund for months. It’s pretty much been dispersed by now to savings, vacation and my children’s support fund.

That’s right, my kids are in their twenties but it doesn’t mean I’m not still doling out cash to them when needed.

Anyway, the revenue department usually wants to see my charitable receipts. They want to make sure I have receipts to back up my claim.

Coming up with receipts is not the problem, but because I claim receipts for previous years, I have to send them all the receipts I’m claiming and have claimed in those previous years. It is an aggravation I could really do without!

But this year is different. They want proof that I still have a son in university to claim his tuition.  Though he’s taking his sweet time finishing his degree, I don’t think 23 is an unlikely age for a son to still be wandering down the hallowed halls of higher education.

It’s an easy response – just one form to send in and I have it all ready to go. It’s the other request that bugs me: they want me to prove my claim for travel.

At one time a pastor would live beside the church and only have to walk next door. For that matter, his whole parish might be within walking distance and he wouldn’t have to drive his car very much.

But we live in the 21st century. I have appointments, meetings, visits, conferences, things to pick up, all that take place around the city and beyond … of course I use my car for work!

But the problem is they want all the receipts categorized, all my kilometres driven, and those that were driven for work, including the purpose of the mileage.

I have all that info, but it’s a pain to have to organize it all the way they want it.

Sometimes I wonder why they go after me so often. Every single time I’ve given them the documentation they asked for and it’s satisfied them.

But I have to remember it’s not some six foot, 250 pound, middle-aged man with dark grey hair and thick curly eyebrows stewing over my tax form. It’s some mainframe computer without a brain that spits out requests based on the number of 7’s or something I used in my tax return.

Next year I’m rounding everything up or down to eliminate those 7’s!

Here’s the thing: Occasionally, I don’t want to take the time to spend time with God because other things are pressing, or I’m in a hurry. Time with God then feels like an inconvenience – like having to send documents to Revenue Canada. If I keep delaying that I will be penalized. And if I make excuses for not spending time with God, I will miss out on what He has for me that day.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What gets in your way of spending time with God? Leave your comment below.

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A Hockey Game To Remember

I went to a hockey game with my son the other day and realized just how much genetics and upbringing shape and mould us.

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I remember growing up thinking that I was pretty unique, like there was no one identical to me. I was pretty naive back then – maybe suffering from an “I am special” complex that I’m sure annoyed some people … especially my parents and siblings.

But early in my twenties, I began to notice that I wasn’t all that “special” in the way I thought, in what I liked and disliked, in some of my habits, and in my choices.

I also noticed that my parents had lots of traits that I have; they were a lot like me. My first thought was, “They must be special too!”

But you know, just coming out of my teen years when I knew everything, I was quite conscious of the fact that they weren’t all that special … which left me with the realization that maybe I wasn’t all that special either.

Over the years I’ve realized that a part of what I am like is a direct result of being the procreation of Don and Helen. And then, added to that, a large part of who I am is also a result of growing up in an environment with them.

My genetics may determine how I process information, but my upbringing has shaped the angle,  view, or perspective from which I start to process that information.

When you think about it, our heritage – biological and environmental – has a huge part to play in us.

I was thinking about that when my son and I were talking together at the hockey game. He’s about the age now that I was at when I started to realize some of these things.

Our conversation uncovered how the pattern that formed who I am, is the same pattern that has been shaping him.

I understand some of the struggles he’s gone through … I could share similar stories from my days being in my twenties. There were times when we knew what each other was thinking.

We were both comfortable being in a hockey arena and also reflecting on the game and reminiscing about games we’ve played.

From the time he was little we’ve been watching sports together, especially hockey. When he was really little, in some fanciful way, he thought I played for the Toronto Maple Leafs, even though we would watch the first period together on TV … in Edmonton.

He’s developed a love for hockey and many sports probably because it has been part of his environment and was encouraged in our home growing up.

He even learned to share my love for the Toronto Maple Leafs … No, sorry, that’s genetic.

Here’s the thing: The goal of a Christian is to become more like Christ. Part of that is genetics, because we are made in His image. But a large part of that has to do with the environment we live in. If you are going to be transformed more into the likeness of Christ, you need to make sure your environment will produce those kinds of results. That means being around those who are ahead of you in the transformation process, and it will mean developing the habits and thinking of Christ which we find in His word. To become more like Christ, arrange your environment so that you come under that maximum influence of the Son of God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How have you arranged your environment to come under the influence of Christ? Leave your comment below.

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Sometimes Change is Difficult

As your family gets older, you find some things change, some things don’t. This year, for a change, we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving up at our cottage.

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It’s the first time that all four of us have been there at the same time. We’ve owned it for about five years, but for most of that time our daughter Karlie has been out of the province.

And son Mike, well, he came up once the first year with some buddies and it was cold, rainy and miserable the whole time. He’s never been back.

But times change. Karlie now lives only a couple hours away and Mike, well, we twisted his arm, with the promise of a golf game.

This was going to be a big deal, so my wife Lily spent most of Saturday preparing food, baking, and gathering what she would need to build a Thanksgiving turkey dinner up at Sauble Beach.

As I started to pack the car Sunday afternoon, that’s when I noticed that not all things change somethings remain the same.

When we used to go away as a family, the day we packed and left was always a little tense for Lily. In the last while, when it’s just been the two of us, she’s been much more relaxed about it.

Not yesterday. Some latent matriarchal hormone kicked in and she was in my face while I was packing the car. She was stressed and hovering around me. I could feel a couple of very intense eyes, burrowing holes in the back of my head like lasers.

It was not an easy task to pull off, even without her there. Our car is a small Hyundai Accent and we had to cram two golf bags in it, along with all the food and other stuff … a big change from when the kids were little and we used to travel in a big ol’ Safari van, a 7-seater for the four of us.

On our way up, we had to grab some dinner. However, I made the mistake of not stopping where there was a variety of restaurants, opting to get farther on our journey.

Well, by the time we found a restaurant most of us were happy to eat at, we were all pretty hungry. However, when we got inside, Mike didn’t want anything on the menu. We all ate except him.

It just reminded me of going camping one time as a family when my dad was with us. We had stopped to eat at a restaurant of Dad’s choosing, and somehow Mike – who was about 14 at the time – didn’t like the menu and didn’t eat anything. This experience was like deja vu!

But when we got up to the cottage that’s when I noticed the biggest change. We were all sitting around talking, I fell asleep in my chair, and the kids took the car into town to grab a midnight snack.

Here’s the thing: In order to develop your relationship with God, you have to notice the things in your life that are resistant to change – attitudes, emotions and actions. You have to acknowledge them, confess them and figure out a way to get beyond them so that you can continue to grow closer to God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be hard to change in your life? Leave your comment below.

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Difficult Choice

It’s alway more difficult to make the hard choice over the easy one.

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Not long ago I did a blood test for my doctor. I say it’s for him because he’s the one that asked for it. Personally, I had no desire to have a blood test.

It was not anything special, just a routine test I should probably have every year … but I’ve extended it a little – like about 2 1/2 years!

Since the test, I’ve been holding my breath hoping that my blood was red or the right colour of red, or whatever they were looking for in my blood. One week went by and I thought, “That’s a good sign. I haven’t heard anything, so maybe everything’s good.”

But I wasn’t convinced, so I thought I’d hold my breath for another week, just to make sure. The week went by; still nothing from my doctor and I was starting to think about breathing again.  That’s when my doctor informed me that my cholesterol was high.

My first thought was, “What’s wrong with my cholesterol pills? Are they not working? Did they give me a placebo? Are they past their expiry date?” Then I realized, no, I just thought I was immune to bad cholesterol while being on them.

I’d been living large, thinking I could eat anything because my cholesterol pills would eradicate any of the bad stuff out of my system.

My doctor and I had a brief chat about my recourse: Option 1 was to double my cholesterol pills.  If I did that maybe I could go on eating as I pleased. But I wanted a different option. Option 2 was lose weight.

I’ve done that before. I lost 28 pounds in six months once. I lost 10 pounds when I had my heart attack. There were a couple of times I lost 5 pounds just by getting the flu.

But this is a little different. I have to have a plan for eating, and I know that’s not going to be easy.

When I lost that 28 pounds, I only ate things that were low on the glycemic index. That got rather boring after a while and difficult to manage. So this time my strategy is a little different. I’m only eating at meal times. I’m not restricting my diet, just not eating outside breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I started five days ago and it’s been doable. There have been a couple of times I’ve wanted to search out a little snack in the evening, but I’ve resisted heading for the panty where I’ve got a stash of liquorice.

I don’t like not being able to snack, but the crazy thing is I’m feeling better. I’ve also lost 4 pounds (by the way, I’m whispering so my wife doesn’t hear me write this – it bugs her that I can lose weight so easily).

Losing weight has not been a problem for me when I really work at it. Like most people, my problem is in keeping it off! My desire for a good burger and fries, wings, Dr. Pepper, chocolate, liquorice – well you get the idea – is strong!

Right now I’m motivated for the challenge … we’ll see where this takes me.

Here’s the thing: I’ve chosen the hard option – to reduce my cholesterol – but many are inclined to take the easy way. The life of a Christian is not taking the easy way. It is taking the hard option of being obedient to God and His will over living to one’s own impulses and desires. It will always be a challenge and the easy way will always be a temptation.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: When have you had to choose between the hard and easy options? Leave your comment below.