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Our Expressions Don’t Lie

Our expressions reveal our emotions and, without a mirror in front of us to monitor our expressions, sometimes our emotions leak out for others to see.

Richard Sherman expressions.001Mind you, some people are better at keeping their expressions in check that others. We call those people “tough to read”; it’s difficult to know what they are feeling or thinking.

I’m not that particularly difficult to read apparently, at least according to my wife. I can sit down with a plate of food in front of me and within a millisecond she knows what I think of dinner.

I don’t have to poke the meat with my finger or even pick up a fork – the look on my face tells her everything (eww, it’s stew).

I would probably make a pretty lousy poker player; everyone would know if my hand was good or bad.

I’ve even seen professional poker players on TV hide their expressions with sunglasses or hats shielding their faces.

The other day watching the Super Bowl, there were some pretty good emotions. Camera men are particularly good at zeroing in on faces when something in the game goes bad or good.

Early into the second half, after Seattle had scored to take the lead for the first time in the game, the look on the Seahawks’ coach’s face was, “I think we have this game”. He looked pretty confident.

His face didn’t show the same easy smile later in the game, however, when in the last 3 minutes the momentum of the game was moving up and down like a roller coaster at Canada’s Wonderland.

When New England scored and there was still three minutes left in the game, the Patriots’ quarterback sat on the bench and couldn’t look up. There was too much on the line.

Seattle started moving the ball. Then a long pass, that at first looked incomplete, turned out to be a reception as the receiver bobbled the ball a few times and grabbed it while falling on his back on the 5 yard line.

Wow, the looks on both benches was telling. Only a minute to go in the game, Tom Brady (New England’s QB) had a look of, “No way! You’ve got to be joking!”

… One play later, the ball is on the one yard line. It is a guaranteed touchdown for Seattle. The game is over; there is no hope for New England. But Seattle decides to pass the ball and throws an interception.

The emotions go wild again. Brady is now jumping up and down on the sideline with his hands raised. The coach raises his arm in the air signalling victory.

Over on the Seattle sideline the emotions are prolific. One player will have his mug in the news for days as his facial expressions went from joy to sheer horror in a matter of seconds.

… The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

Here’s the thing: As poor a job as we do hiding our emotions for others to see, it is impossible to hide our emotions from God. He sees everything; He knows our emotionally-charged roller coaster life. So instead of dropping the visor of your hat to cover your expressions when you pray, simply tell Him what you are feeling and thinking. He wants to hear, and He can help.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: When do you have a hard time keeping your expressions in check? Leave your comment blow.

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Distracting Conversations

One of my weekly events this year is to take in a Kingston Frontenacs’ home game. I usually go on Friday nights; it’s mostly been a date night with my wife.

Kingston Fronts action

It’s been a pretty cheap date too … I get comp tickets because I’m the team chaplain and Lily doesn’t usually want many snacks. We park far enough away so I get a few steps in and there’s no cost for parking.

Man, I’m cheap! Most nights it doesn’t cost me a thing … I hope Lily likes the hockey and me pointing out the guys on the team who come out to chapel.

However, last night I couldn’t get complimentary tickets – the game was sold out. But I was able to pull some strings and pay for a couple of tickets they made available at the last minute.

And since our daughter, Karlie, was in town on a day off, I took her.

There was lots of hype for the game. The number one draft pick in this spring’s NHL draft was going to be on the ice. I guess this 18 year old is filling up rinks in every city he plays in.

The night before, his team, the Erie Otters, were in Peterborough and they had their biggest attendance all year.

It was going to be a good game; I was really looking forward to it. Our seats were at the top of the arena and there was standing room directly behind us.

During the first period there were two women and a man talking rather loudly, not about hockey, but about their work. Personnel issues seemed to be on the highlight reel of their conversation.

I didn’t look behind me but I sensed by the way they were talking, they weren’t even looking at the game. At one point I overheard the following:

“Who are you cheering for?”

“Who’s playing?”

“Kingston and some other team.”

“I guess I’ll cheer for the other team.”

Give me a break! They were standing so close to me and talking so loudly that I could keep up with their play-by-play better that the play that was on the ice.

Fortunately, after the first period the corporate firm moved somewhere else and we didn’t have to suffer through a second period of listening to their possible sales forecast for the next six months.

I’m not sure how they got tickets or why they were even at the game, but since tickets were so scarce, I know there were more deserving souls who would have appreciated what was happening on the ice.

At least for me, it was a good time with my daughter, and you have to take advantage of those times when you can.

In contrast to the first period business commentary, we got to chat between periods with an NHL scout, who kept the conversation about hockey.

Here’s the thing: Spending time with God is so important and we may, with good intentions, want to add to that time to make it even richer. However, we need to be careful that we don’t add things that will complicate or distract from our time with God. For the most part, we need a Bible and a journal to record what God tells us. Reading devotionals and other things, though they can help, can also distract us by getting us focussed on their commentary instead of God’s Word.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What commonly distracts you when you’re spending time with God? Leave your comment below.

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A Week Of Eating Out

I don’t know how single guys do it – I’d be broke and weigh about 500 pounds if I wasn’t married.  I’d never think about it though, if it wasn’t for a week like this past one.

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Reality set in Friday night. I don’t go away all that often, and Lily goes away on her own even less, but this past week we were both away … separately.

I had some meetings in the Toronto area Tuesday and Wednesday, and Lily had work meetings in Montreal Wednesday to Friday.

The hard part was figuring out our vehicle situation because number one son also needed a car for parts of the week. But once that was settled, we were all good.

… Except for the food thing.

While I was away, I was eating meals brought into our meetings and going out to restaurants. When I got home, Lily was gone so it was just eating out at restaurants for me.

Lil said something to Mike our son about checking in with Dad around dinner time and his comment was, “Ya, I guess he won’t be cooking”.

He had that right. I make a mean hot oat bran cereal in the morning, but past that my skills and desire fall pretty flat.

So over the week I had pizza twice, subs once, fajitas once, hamburgers twice, a hotdog, and of course, I had hot wings.

I almost fasted over lunch one day. I had played hockey at noon and missed lunch. I almost thought I didn’t need anything, but when I was nearing Harvey’s, I got a hankering for a hotdog.

So the craziest thing happened – the car just automatically turned into the parking lot and parked itself. It was just like one of those Ford car commercials where they let go of the steering wheel and the car takes over and parks.

I just had to go in then!

You can see that if this was a regular pattern of eating for me, my weight would skyrocket and I would be burning the strip right off my debit card.

Though I might not get that far, according to my doctor my cholesterol would soar, and my arteries would clog up like putting a drain stopper in a sink.

I have to be careful, and I’m glad that Lil’s now home and I’m getting good healthy meals … well except for tonight – it’s Saturday night and there’s a hockey game on.

You know what that means: it’s hot wings and a Dr. Pepper . . . mmm  . . .  I can feel by blood pressure on the rise just thinking about it.

I know what you’re thinking: Paul needs an intervention. But listen, it’s only one week, and I’ll be back to eating carrots, broccoli and almonds for lunches before you even get to read this.

That’s right, I’ll be back saving money and getting slim. I just have to finish off that darn candy sitting around the house from Christmas.

Here’s the thing: There are all kinds of interruptions that come into our day, our week, our life. They get us off track from taking time with God. Don’t let them permanently derail you. Don’t get down because you missed a few days. Just start today and get yourself back into the groove of taking that regular time with God. He’s waiting for you, and He’s not going to beat you up about missing some days. He’s happy to have you back spending time with Him.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What patterns do you fall into when you fall out of routine? Leave your comment below.

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I’m Not A Games Person

We have a cupboard in our family room that’s brimming with games, but my family is not a games family. We’ve tried to be a games family over the years …

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When our kids were little we played games. Everyone was happy when playing … except one family member if he wasn’t winning.

It never went well when that scenario was in play.

Every family has one person who has a tough time losing, or, in this day and age, we should probably say “underwhelming in his game potential”.

Well, we might not say that, but we have to use some term to avoid, not point out, or shed any light on the fact that someone lost. We wouldn’t want anyone to think that they didn’t win.

We’re not a games family because we only have one games person in the family and it’s Lily.

Lily is up for any kind of game: board games, tile games, activity games, even puzzles. Puzzles are her favourite. And puzzles are probably the least loved activity by the rest of the family.

She builds them alone.

So when we have company over, Lily usually suggests we play a game. Often I can talk her out of it. But the last time we had guests over she really pressed for us to play a game and, going against my better judgement, I conceded to her wishes.

It was like I lost the game of trying to get out of playing a game. So I knew that things would not go well.

We had several guests so we played an activity game – a game where you act out words for you team, and they have to guess what you are acting out. The game is called “Guesstures”.

Somehow the non-gamer got to bring the game out and set it up. At that point, I think Lil was just rubbing it in that she won and I … well, I don’t even want to say the word but I’ll tell you I sensed I had a large “L” on my forehead.

So we played, and it was the girls against the guys, which in my thinking sets up the girls to win in this kind of game. Women are more expressive and freer in their body movement than most men which gives them a decided advantage.

We are just not that flexible or demonstrative.

So we played the game and to my great surprise the guys were holding their own through the first three rounds. Then it was my turn.

With all the pressure on me, and feelings just below the surface of “I really don’t like playing these games”, I played to my underwhelmed potential. I got one point out of a possible 12.

Oh ya, that game isn’t coming out again for a long time!

The next few rounds went not too badly for the guys. They had to dig us out of the hole I got us into. In the end we pulled it off and beat the girls.

That’s right, we won. You can say you won, you just can’t say they lost. Oh, I guess I said that too. The girls lost.

Here’s the thing: When it comes to developing a relationship with God, if that’s not something you are good at, or have a hard time staying committed to, then get some help from a friend, or mentor. You’ll find that assistance can make developing a relationship with God a winning experience.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What could you use a little help in accomplishing? Leave your comment below.

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Preparation Should Be Our Focus 

Have you noticed how much time goes into preparation as opposed to the actual event?

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It’s usually double, triple or more time than the event itself!

The other night we had some guests over for dinner. It was a great time and I think everyone enjoyed themselves.

But the time it took to prepare for the dinner was exorbitantly more than the dinner itself.

I’m not a cook but I noticed how long Lil spent in preparation for the meal … it’s no wonder people eat at restaurants so frequently.

You can leave home for a fast food joint, be fed and return home in the same or less time than it takes to prepare a meal yourself. And you don’t have the clean up either!

You just have to remember what the symbols for bottles, paper and food look like so you can put your trash and recycling in the right place.

But this discrepancy of time between preparation and an event happens in all aspects of life.

I remember my kids would spend hours setting up their hot wheel track all over the basement.  They would test it out to make sure they had the power chargers in the right places so that the cars would have enough speed to make it through to the end.

When it was all set up and ready to go, it took about 10 seconds for a car to go from start to finish.

I know that for me to preach a sermon takes about 30 -35 minutes – at least that’s what I aim for.  But to prepare for that thirty minute sermon takes a good 15 hours or so.

Back when I was in high school, I waited outside A&A record store on Yonge St., in downtown Toronto, all night to get tickets to an Elton John concert.

The concert was about 3 hours in total, but I had invested way more time!

What I noticed is we spend all kinds of time preparing for things that we are looking forward to. It’s like we do the work to reap the pleasure – only the pleasure lasts for such a short time in comparison.

What we really need to do is switch what we find our pleasure in. We should really be taking pleasure in the preparation to get the full enjoyment of the event or activity.

How much better would it be at the end of the night, washing up the dishes after a dinner party, to have taken pleasure in the preparation of the whole event?

We wouldn’t make comments like, “That was nice, but a lot of work”.

Instead, we would have savoured the time spent wrapping the cutlery in the napkins, or peeling the carrots, or cleaning the bathrooms (well, maybe not that one).

When it was all done we would be excited to do it all over again really soon. But who am I kidding? I’m just trying to figure out a way to convince Lily to put our china dishes in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand!

Here’s the thing: We like outcomes, the main event; we try to reduce preparation. But it is in the preparation that the outcome, the main event, is as enjoyable as it is. To become more Christlike in our attitude and actions takes preparation. Time spent with God and His word is where He works on getting you all ready and presentable to emulate His Son.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What have you found to be the biggest time discrepancy between preparation and outcome? Leave your comment below.

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Settle Into A New Year

I think I’ve settled into the new year now. The Christmas tree is still up and we still put the lights on, but it’s become a background decoration and not the main focal point in the room.

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The first couple of days of a new year are still very much holiday-like. There’s the aftermath of New Year’s, like football and parades on TV, catching up on sleep.

Even work was still in holiday mode: all was quiet, no programs, just me focussing on what I needed to do to get ready for Sunday.

But that’s all done now – it’s January 3rd and today I feel like it’s just a regular day.

We still have some baking that I will polish off in the next week. And the fridge is still pretty full with lots of extra Christmassy foods. There’s even some eggnog in there that needs to be knocked back before it goes bad.

… They’re all just remnants now. A week ago they were part of the festivities, part of the charm of the season. But now they’re nothing more than the aftermath, a duty to be completed to seal the end of it all.

Two weeks ago there was still lots to look forward to; we were entering a time of family, friends, and fun. Now we just have the start of a new week to look forward to.

There will be some great highlights this year to anticipate and get excited about, but right now it’s all about getting settled in a brand new year after a busy time of life.

How I settle in is with some routines. As great as holidays and Christmas are, they get you out of your regular routine and, though that idea has some sparkle, it’s a little disruptive to the regular flow of life.

I’ve missed my 6:00 am alarm several times in the last couple of weeks. I like getting up at that time; it’s quiet, it’s peaceful … I’m quiet and peaceful.

At that time of the morning I don’t have a million things to do. I don’t have a bunch of requests for my time, my presence. I like that about answering my alarm.

I remember when I first discovered the joy of the early morning. Back . . . well, let’s just say a long time ago, I would sleep till noon if I didn’t have something pressing me to get up.

Though I would sleep that long, I didn’t feel all that rested, and I would get this sinking feeling that a good chunk of the day was over, that I missed out on something.

I didn’t start getting up at six right then, but that was the start of finding a great part of the day that I had never before considered valuable.

Now it’s my routine every day, to answer my alarm at 6:00 and begin my day quiet, calm and peaceful. You should try it if you don’t already.

Here’s the thing: That first part of the day when it is all quiet in your home and in your own being is a great time to connect with God. For some people, it might require a cup of coffee or two just to clear your mind, but there’s no better time to spend with God than in the most peaceful time of the day. Find a comfortable chair, set the light just right and give those first thoughts of the day to God. You’ll love that routine, and so will God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is your favourite routine? Leave your comment below.

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New Year’s Eve Plans

Wow, the end of another year! It came up quickly and we had no plans as usual.

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Well, I guess we did have plans; they were the same plans we have most years on New Year’s Eve: we hang out, snack a little, and watch some New Year’s Eve countdown show on TV.

That’s pretty much it. There have been a few years where we’ve varied our pattern but this is the regular “no plan” plan for the end of the year.

But I was leaning away from that plan this year, and it was all because of a TV advertisement for a New Year’s Eve show this year.

I saw an ad for this year’s New Year’s Eve show on ABC called, “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”.

The problem with this show is that Dick Clark is no longer with us. In fact, he’s been gone for over two years now. What kind of a New Year’s show is it when the host of the show is not really ringing in the new year with you?

How great a new year can it be if the host isn’t joining you in the celebration?

There is just something wrong about it, that almost says there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the new year.

Maybe the executives at ABC are getting older and don’t have the same optimism as they used to, so why not have a deceased person’s name on the advertising? Nothing spells excitement like that!

I had in mind we should change things up this year. It was kind of late to be making plans with only three days to the big day, but I thought we needed to make the night a little more interesting and add a little hope to the evening.

The problem with putting more effort into NYE is that it happens so often that you blink and it’s here again. And you start to think, “Didn’t we just have New Year’s not that long ago?”

That’s what age does though; it speeds up time for you. A year for someone in their 50’s is like a year and a half for someone in their 20’s.

When you’re in your 20’s you can barely remember the last new year’s, and so it’s a big deal every time it comes around.

But when you get a little older, you feel like you just booked your dinner reservations for last December 31, and now you have to do it again already.

When you’re young, a new year offers all kinds of new opportunities and hopes, but when you’re older you just hope things will hold their own in the new year and there won’t be any surprises.

When you think of it, New Year’s Eve is really for the young, or the young at heart.

After some thought, we changed up our plans and went out … but still made it home in time to watch “Dick Clark’s postmortem New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

Here’s the thing: If the sound of giving in to getting older doesn’t seem all that good to you, then fight to stay young at heart. Get out of your rut and breathe some hope and excitement into your routines like New Year’s Eve. And while you’re at it, take a look at your relationship with God – have you gotten safe, comfortable, boring with God? Look at this new year as an opportunity to enhance your relationship with God. Consider how you can engage with God in more hope and opportunity.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What did you do on New Year’s Eve this year? Leave your comments below.

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We Started A New Tradition … Maybe

We all have Christmas traditions. We look forward to them; they bring out the warmth of the season.

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When we lived in Edmonton we had a tradition on Christmas Eve of going out for dinner after our Christmas Eve service. We would go to the Chateau Lacombe Hotel.

It had a revolving restaurant which overlooked the river valley in Edmonton. It was high enough to give a great view of the whole city, especially at night during the Christmas season – the sight was spectacular with all the lights!

Lily and I would always get Chateaubriand for two. It was perfect with live music and a constantly changing panoramic view out the window.

That was our Christmas tradition … well, it was until we moved to Kingston.

Kingston doesn’t have a hotel with a revolving restaurant. In fact, it doesn’t have a restaurant that is open on Christmas Eve, period.

We needed a new tradition for Christmas Eve and that is when we started having a fondue after our Christmas Eve service.

We had some memorable family times together around the table, cooking up big screwers of meat in oil that was at the point of spontaneous combustion.

There was the time that Lily set the table on fire – that was awesome and memorable! … You then keep the tradition just to see if that will happen again!

Fond memories. But like many traditions, that tradition came to an end. Karlie was not able to be with us for the first time this Christmas Eve. She was not able to arrive until about midnight, just shortly before Santa Claus was about to do the present thing and get to bed him and herself.

We needed a new tradition. It would be just Lil, our son Mike and me. We were going to be up waiting for Karlie; we needed something to do.

So I got the bright idea that we should all make our favourite cookies together and have some hot wings to nibble on while we did it.

Everyone was willing to give it a shot (and Karlie wished she had been here to see the whole event).

Lily had laid out bowls and ingredients for each type of cookie Mike and I were going to make. Then she did what she does best.

She hovered, and would say things like, “No, don’t do that. No, that’s not how you do it” …  we had to send her out of the room.

That didn’t stop her from calling instructions from another room like “No, don’t mix that in yet”.

But somehow, through all the distraction, all the mess and debris that kept being flung out of the mixing bowls, we created two kinds of masterly-crafted cookies that melted succulently in our mouths.

The wings weren’t bad either. Lil really chipped in with the clean up, partly because she couldn’t handle the mess we had generated.

Who knows? Maybe it will become a tradition … or maybe not if Lily has her way.

Here’s the thing: Routines can be like traditions and when it comes to making time for God each day, having great traditions or routines make that time more memorable. They make that time something you look forward to. So as you plan how you will spend your time with God in the new year, think of some traditions or routines you can set in place. You will be amazed at the memories you will make with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is your favourite Christmas tradition?

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How To Stay On Track

I’ve been doing some goal setting for 2015. Now all I have to do is implement and stay on track.

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… That’s easier said than done because by mid-February I’ll have pretty much forgotten about the goals I set for the year. Even if I do have a fading memory of them, I’ll have no recollection of when I’m to do them.

In my last two blogs, I talked about why we need to set goals in “It’s Time to Look Ahead To Next Year” (read it here). Then in “It’s All About What We Believe” (read it here), I talked about how our limiting beliefs keep us from completing our goals and, in some cases, from even setting them.

When you set goals they have to be realistic, achievable, and clear enough that you know when you’ve accomplished them.

The whole process is helped by having a reason why you want to accomplish the goal (identifying your motivation) and a next step to achieving that goal.

This is important because a goal might look too daunting to reach but if you break it down into the next little step, moving on that goal seems much more doable.

All this looks great on paper, but when you are two weeks into the new year, or three months along, you need more than that.

And that’s why reviewing is so necessary. But reviewing doesn’t just happen on its own.

You really need to figure out how you’re going to keep these goals in front of you, on your radar all year long.

For me, this is a big deal so I put some time into coming up with a way to review my goals so they never get so far from my frontal lobe that they end up just swimming around in the back of my brain somewhere, never to be found again.

I’ve done two things that will help keep my goals front and centre all year: I’ve made a list of my goals and I’ve put them in a reminder application that pops up on my computer screen once a week.

This way I can look at all my goals each week and quickly decide what my next step will be in moving forward with each one.

I’ve set my reminder to show up on Saturdays at 8 am – that’s when I have some available time and it won’t take me too long to review.

I also have a to-do list where I record my next step for each goal. My to-do app “Nozbe” (read about it here) is open every day, so when the next step for a goal is scheduled to be worked on, it will pop up in my app and then I can put it on my agenda for the day.

This is all good in theory. Over the course of this year I’ll see if it works out as well as I’m anticipating it will.

Here’s the thing: Like keeping goals in the front of your mind all year, keeping a daily commitment to God on your mind all year needs some kind of review process. If you’re going to read through the Bible in a year, you need a system to track your progress and a reminder to make sure you don’t forget about staying on top of it. I use the You Version Bible app and it does both for me.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you use to keep you on track with your Bible reading? Leave your comment below.

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It’s All About What We Believe

In my last post, I wrote about setting goals for the new year (click hear to read). In this one, I am going to share a secret that helps me do that. In my next post, I’ll share another secret.

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Normally goal setting starts with dreaming of all the things you might want to accomplish. You brainstorm a million ideas, then select the best ones.

But I didn’t start there – I started in a place I had no desire to go.

I began with evaluating my limits … to be more precise, my limiting beliefs. And that’s very different from my limits.

I’m limited by a lot of things. I could blame my parents that I’m not six feet tall or have the mind of a rocket scientist. But that’s just genetics. I can’t do anything about that.

Everyone has limits.

But limiting beliefs, that’s a different matter. They are not really limits; they’re just a bar we set for ourselves that we don’t think we can get over.

The problem with those limiting beliefs is that we live up to them all the time … or should I say, we live under them every time.

What’s worse is they aren’t necessarily true; we just believe them to be true (limiting beliefs like, “I can’t do that”, “I’m a failure”, “No one cares”).

When it comes to goal setting, they keep us from accomplishing the goals we want to reach.

In the past, my limiting beliefs have been the mastermind behind me sabotaging my own goals.

They come from stories I’ve created based on my past experiences. Still, I believe the stories and live them out time and time again.

These limiting beliefs are ingrained in us and you can only change them by replacing them with new stories – a new story that overwrites the old one.

That’s not easy to do.

But this week as I was listing my limiting beliefs, I found a key to begin the process of overwriting those limiting beliefs.

It starts with a truth. Then you have to trust the truth enough to experience that truth in your life and thus write a new story.

It sounds simple but it takes some work.

For me, two truths from the Bible that I read right after I wrote my limiting beliefs will help me write some new stories.

1 John 5:14-15 says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” (NIV84)

We can ask God to help us overcome our limiting beliefs. He will hear us and answer.

Then Ephesians 3:20 says “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,”(NIV84)

Now that’s powerful! Whatever you believe about yourself – whatever I have come to believe about myself – God is at work within us and can do more than we can even imagine.

The first step is to believe these truths, and then go out and experience the reality of them. If you do, you’ll replace that old story, with a new one.

Here’s the thing: If you want to grow deeper with God, if you want to see God work in your life, then address those limiting beliefs by believing and experiencing these truths from God’s words. Then write a new story through experience.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: Do you have limiting beliefs that hold you back from all God wants for you? Leave your comment below.