my emotions

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The Waiting Is Killing Me

I may be waiting to exercise for a while because I overdid it this weekend. 

Elton John once recorded a song called, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”. “Sorry” is a hard word, but I have another contender for the hardest word … waiting.

No, you’re not waiting for me to say the hardest word, “waiting” is the hardest word. 

There is no spring in this spring, there is no jump in this spring’s step. I think I’ve noticed that the leaves on the trees that had started to come out are now shrinking back a little.

We all want to get outside and do things, but the weather is not letting that happen. 

And we are all waiting – waiting for some sunny, warmer weather to come along. 

At this point it doesn’t even have to be that sunny or that warm, just not raining and windy.

I’ve been known to be able to wait for things to happen, but I’m really getting to the limit of my waitability. … I don’t think that’s a word, but you know what I’m saying. My ability to wait is seriously being taxed to the limit.

The other day I played hockey and the following day my knee was a little sore. That’s not unusual. I have a torn ACL and I’ve found that, as I’ve gotten older, I need to rest it after an hour and a half of hockey.

It was sore the following day as well. 

But since it wasn’t that bad, and I did have hockey that morning, I played.

After the game, my knee was a little sorer than it had been the previous few days … but I didn’t think much about it.

We’d had some rain and the forecast showed more rain to come; but it was momentarily nice out. So though I’d already played hockey on Saturday morning, I thought I’d better get out and get a mountain bike ride in. 

I’ve only been out twice so far this year.  

I had a good ride but afterwards I noticed my knee was a little swollen. … That’s never a good sign.

I’ve lived with a wonky knee for years so often I just keep going. 

Late that afternoon I thought maybe I should cut the lawn. It didn’t really need it, but with rain in the forecast, I figured I needed to cut it while I could.

By the time I finished the lawn, I was really feeling my knee and walking like a cross between Frankenstein and a guy who just had a hip replaced.

It wasn’t pretty … and I was a little late in realizing I should give my knee a rest.

… Even though all this was caused by the weather we’re having and my inability to wait any longer. 

For everyone else out there, this might be a good thing. With me on the sideline for a little while, I’m sure the weather is going to be just fine now! 

Here’s the thing: Our inability to wait on God causes us to do things that either take us in the wrong direction or make things worse. The Bible is filled with examples of people who tried to help out God, or hurry Him along (Sarah, Saul, Peter). It never went well. The best we can do is be patient, and increase our waitability. 

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you need to wait for just a little longer? Leave your comments below.

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What To Do When Your Hotel Stay Is Lousy

From time to time I repost an article that I have published before. This post is from April 2014, enjoy.

This week I stayed in a hotel that was less than ideal.  I was in the Toronto area for meetings and, since the hotel I normally stay in was booked solid, I was registered in at a different hotel. 

I don’t need something too fancy, but when the first thing you do when you get in the room is check for bugs that tells you something! 

On my way to my room, I pushed the elevator button and waited what seemed to be about the time it would take an elevator to travel ten floors. The curious thing was this hotel only had three. So you have to ask yourself, “What was that elevator doing for all that time?”

When I got into the elevator it was empty, but there was a fresh aroma of B.O. in it, like that was the scent they were using to keep the cab fresh-smelling. 

I was only going to the second floor so I could have held my breath … except at this hotel a trip to the second floor was like riding a regular elevator to the 6th floor.  

I had to use a couple of breaths to make it.

There was a trail of dried mud chunks leading down the hall, stopping just a room before mine, so I could find my way easy enough. 

When I got inside the room, I saw it had everything I needed – a bed, a bathroom and a counter thing I could use as a desk. 

But the room was pretty stark. There wasn’t a picture in the place, and everything was bolted down. There was some laminate planking deal on the floor. 

I thought for a moment how easy it would be to clean this place. All you’d have to do is bring in a big ol’ hose, turn it on and then let it drip dry for the next guest. 

That night I had one of the worst sleeps on record. If I had been doing a sleep apnea test, I would be hooked up to one of those breathing machines by now for sure. I’ve slept on floors that were more comfortable! 

My pillows were just a little bigger than those squares you throw in the bean bag toss game. I found out in the morning, however, that the bed beside me had normal sized pillows. I must have been sleeping in Goldilocks’ bed all night, and let me tell you, it was not just right!

All night long there was this high-pitched, ear-piercing sound, something like the sound an old vacuum cleaner makes when the bag needs to be changed. 

Again, I found out in the morning that this sound was not from a neat freak staying in the room above me, but was coming from the motor of the mini fridge in my room. 

I could go on but I think that’s enough for you to take in for now. By the way, that was my first night there. I had one more night after that.

Here’s the thing: My hotel had essentially everything I needed to stay there. But the quality of my stay was the pits. You have everything you need to live in this world, but the quality of your stay will be determined by where you choose to live – with God or without Him.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What hotel horrors have you encountered? I’d love to hear from you; leave your comment below.

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I Did It Again

“I did it again!” These were the words that popped into my head this morning. 

Unfortunately, reading these words doesn’t give you the emotion with which I said them or thought them. 

… Years ago I was finishing my basement and had a door that needed to be trimmed so it wouldn’t get stuck on the carpet.

I didn’t have all the tools I needed so I used what was available to me. I used a keyhole saw to do the work. This saw had a thin blade that tapered to a point. But the blade was also very toothy, if you know what I mean.  

While sawing through the bottom of my door, the saw slipped out of the groove and sawed the base of my finger. 

It bled like crazy so we hurried down to the hospital to get it stitched. 

Five stitches later and three months later, I was working on a sliding door. Again I needed to cut down the panels which were made of fibre board. 

For this job I used a utility knife. As I was cutting the board along a ruled line, the knife slipped off the board and sliced the end of my finger.

The first words that came out of my mouth were, “I did it again!” Off I went down to the hospital to get another set of stitches, this time near the tip of the same finger.

Now you have an idea of the emotion in which I used the words, “I did it again!”

This morning I used those words, not because I cut my finger, but because I missed my move goal on my watch. 

I’ve written before about the three rings on my watch that I try to complete each day (read about that here). The move ring tracks how many calories I’ve burned in a day. 

Back in August of 2017 I had a streak of 231 days in a row until I missed the next day by only a few calories. 

I was just not paying attention. It really fried me because I was trying to go a whole year without missing my move goal.

Over the next few months I missed my daily goal every once in a while, but finally got on track until just a few days ago my streak was 286 days. 

It was all going well. 

I was traveling to Spain, however, and that concerned me. How would the time change affect completing all my rings? I would lose five hours on the flight. 

Well, when I got here, it seemed like everything was okay. I looked at my watch and, by the end of the day, I had all my rings completed. 

But this morning when I checked, all the times on my watch have been corrected to the time it is in Spain. And guess what?  

It shows my move goal was short on the day I travelled.  When I saw that I said to myself, “I DID IT AGAIN!”

Now you know how I’m feeling.

Here’s the thing: Have you ever had this same feeling and expressed the same sentiments as “I did it again” when you sin? It can be very upsetting when you give into temptation again. Thankfully, God is a forgiving God and you should be quick to seek His forgiveness. That forgiveness enables you to reset, move on and not get stuck in your sin.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What do you need to reset In your life and move on from? Leave your comments below.

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Embarrassment Can Last Forever

From time to time I publish an article I’ve written in the past. This blog post is from November 2014, enjoy.

I’m sure everyone, at some point, has wanted to kick themselves for something they did or said.  For many of us, this happens rather frequently … too frequently for my liking.

I remember entering a Sunday School class when I was in my teens and making a snide remark about the teacher, thinking he wasn’t there yet … only to hear the teacher respond. At that moment, I wanted to take my words back.

As I recall, I didn’t remain in the class for the whole lesson that Sunday.  

Then there was the time I was with a bunch of friends on a bus and I saw a man burning leaves on his front lawn. I yelled some comment out to the man which, in the moment, I thought was quite witty.  

But all my friends thought it was lame – I mean really lame! I was pretty embarrassed at that moment, and every once in a while, even 40 years later, I still feel like kicking myself for making that comment.

The times we stick our foot in our mouth – or do something so dumb that the actors of “Dumb and Dumber 2” would be embarrassed for us – stay with us and its hard to forget them. 

But the worst are the times we say or do things that hurt someone else. Those are the worst because it’s about more than just being mortified or humiliated; you’ve caused someone pain as a result.

By the time you’re in your 50’s, you’d think those days would be over. When the person is a loved one, like a daughter, you’d think this couldn’t happen.  

But it did happen with me the other day. I was in a meeting … a prayer meeting. Four of us (my daughter included) had grouped together and shared some personal things we wanted prayer for.

I was just about to pray for my daughter Karlie – in fact, the first few words had come out of my mouth – when my phone started to ring.

I know, you’re supposed to turn your phone off in the movies, services and prayer meetings. Well I hadn’t, and my ringer is a funky piano tune.  

I panicked and went for my phone, quickly swiping my finger across the screen and answering it. 

Of course being in a prayer meeting I couldn’t talk loudly, so I quietly said, “Hang on; I’m in a meeting,” as I moved to an exit.  

That’s right, I left praying for my daughter to answer a phone call!  

I was kicking myself all the way to the exit. And I’ve been kicking myself ever since! 

How could someone do that? How could I do that? What message did I send my daughter in that moment?

I know this is one of those moments that I will cringe about every time I think of it … for years! You can’t take your actions back; you can’t undo what’s been done.

All I could do is say, “I’m sorry, Karlie. I panicked and did the wrong thing. Will you forgive me?”

Here’s the thing:  When we sin, that memory can linger with us and Satan can use it against us to discourage us, to make us too embarrassed to go to God with it. But the best thing, the only thing we should do, is confess our sin to God and move on from there. You can’t take it back. You might not even be able to forget it, but it doesn’t have to keep you from restoring your relationship with God.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s one of your most embarrassing moments and what did you do about it?  Leave your comment below.

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The State Of My Garage Is Concerning

I’m concerned about the state of my garage as we approach the colder weather. 

When I grew up, my family home never had a garage. The car was always in the driveway, exposed to the elements. 

So, when I finally got a house with a garage, I decided that I was going to park my car in that garage. 

That sounds like a no-brainer, but if you drive around neighbourhoods you will see how many homes with garages have cars parked outside in the driveways – ALL … YEAR … LONG! 

In the middle of the winter when I’m driving to work in the morning I feel sorry for those folks who have a foot of snow on the top of their cars. Their windows are all frosted over while my car has no sign that there was snow in the forecast overnight.

I like parking my car in my garage and I don’t want that to change. But over the last six months, my garage has gotten smaller. 

What I mean is, it’s filling up with stuff other than my car. 

We used to keep two cars in our garage but, even if we had two cars now, we couldn’t do it. The one bay is filled with stuff.

That’s the reason so many homes with garages have cars parked in the driveways – they have too much stuff to park in their garages! 

I guess it’s cheaper than renting a storage unit … though my guess is that most of the people who are not parking their cars in their garages already have storage units filled to the brim.

The problem is people have too many things that they don’t need or use, but want to hang on to. 

That’s not my problem. 

My problem is that I have kids who have stuff they are not using and have nowhere to store it. They noticed we had a free storage unit attached to our home and took advantage. 

It’s not climate-controlled, but it’s dry.

And now my wife is starting to add to the collection of items we are storing in the unit. 

We have been doing some cleaning out of things we don’t need or want anymore. However, some of those things are not finding their way to new homes, the garbage dump or a donation store. 

They are just making it to the garage where they are starting to look like they fit in there really well. 

As I survey the items in our garage, I’m thinking that if I rearranged them a bit I could turn them into a nice little living area that we could rent out to someone.

They would have to put up with a bit of carbon-monoxide in the morning and evening when the car next to them was leaving and returning from trips … but we could reduce the rent. 

All we need now is a hot plate and a mini fridge. Anyone got spares they want to donate to the cause?

Here’s the thing: Clutter finds its way into our lives and it’s easy to add to the clutter without taking time to evaluate it. Clutter can be sin we don’t deal with, interests that fill our hours, or things that demand our time. If your life is too cluttered you won’t have much time for God – He’ll be parked outside in the driveway. Take some time today to survey the clutter in your life and make some room to bring God in from the cold.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What is the biggest source of your clutter? Leave your comments below.

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I Need To Change My Mood

It doesn’t take much to change a mood. A mood is often dictated by events.

Music can put you in the mood, and lighting can set the mood. 

As a hockey chaplain, I meet with players for chapel, but also to check on them personally. This week I chatted with some of the guys after they had lost all three games on the weekend.  You could tell that, even though it was three days past the weekend, there was still some sting from the losses. Their shoulders were drooping a little.  

But this Friday my guys won 4-1 and the mood was different. The guys who were a little shruggy on Wednesday were all smiles after their game win on Friday. 

It didn’t take three wins to change their mood, or a long period of time – just one win did it. 

I remember years ago when you could buy mood rings. They were supposed to reveal the kind of mood you were in by their changing colours. Of course, it couldn’t really tell what kind of mood you were in; it changed colour depending on your body temperature. 

Kids would tease each other for being in love if the stone turned red. But you could quickly get the stone to change your mood by how you held it or placed it on your skin. 

A “yes” or a “no” can also change your mood in an instance. 

You can go into a meeting with your boss to ask him for a raise. A “yes” from him puts you on cloud nine, but a “no” sends you down into an emotional pit. 

One time I was looking forward to going biking on the trails. I hadn’t been on my bike in a week. But when I got up that morning, the rain washed my hopes of a bike ride down the drain … my mood took a downturn rather quickly.

Over the last little while my mood hasn’t been the greatest. There have been a few things that have been really disappointing and they have kind of locked me into a bad mood. 

There has not been anything to change my mood either – no positive that might jolt me out of my mood. 

It seems like my circumstances are dictating my mood, that I’m at the mercy of something out of my control. I feel like a puppet with other people and happenings pulling my strings. I don’t like the mood I’m in but I’m dependent on someone or something to get me out of it. 

But that’s not really true. Things, events, and other people don’t control my mood – I do. 

Your mood is actually based on a decision – your decision. 

I choose what mood I am in. Sure, it’s based on peripherals, but I have control of the decision. 

So today I’m changing my mood. I’m not going to be grumpy, sad, or sullen. It’s my decision, so today’s going to be a good day.

Here’s the thing: You can let your circumstances discourage you and take your hope away, but that is your choice. Resist discouragement and disappointment by focussing on God’s goodness yesterday, His presence today and His promises tomorrow. You have the choice to either zero in on your purpose or your problem, on God’s power or your weakness, on Christ or your circumstance. What’s it going to be? You decide.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s got you down lately? Leave your comments below.

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I’m So Frustrated With This City!

I have to rip on a city. I don’t want to call them out, but I can’t help myself right now. 

Richmond Hill, Ontario is just beyond the borders of Toronto, and is part of the GTA. The people that run that city have deep issues they need to seek help for. 

Here’s my story:  

The other day we left Kingston to spend the night at our daughter’s place in Richmond Hill. No big deal – thousands upon thousands of parents do this kind of thing all the time.

But it was 6 pm when we left home and we forgot to tell our daughter to get us a parking pass. 

No, our daughter doesn’t live in a parking lot or on a major street or even a busy street. She just lives on a residential street in a quiet part of the city. 

But you can’t park at night on a street ANYWHERE in Richmond Hill without a parking pass! 

It’s not the cost that bugs me so much; it’s the hassle of obtaining a pass.

It was later in the evening when we got to her place. Our daughter was out of printer ink so we had to drive to her work to order and print the parking pass from the city’s website. 

Where I live, if I need to park somewhere, I go on an app on my phone, and in a couple of clicks I’ve paid for my parking. It’s all done via the app – no printing required; nothing to put on the dash of your car.

It’s simple and quick. 

Not in Richmond Hill! They apparently don’t know about cell phones and apps. You have to print out a copy of the pass that you ordered on their website.

Not only that, but Richmond Hill has now added a complication to the process. Before, we could go on the website and type in the address of where we wanted to park. Now we’re required to have an account! 

You have to sign up and create a password – including a capital, a number and some other squiggle mark – just to park your car!

It’s not getting easier to park in Richmond Hill. And unfortunately, after doing all that, our payment was declined due to some website error … three times … on two different valid credit cards by two different people.

So there we were, at our daughter’s work, at almost 10 pm, with no way of obtaining a pass to park on her street. 

We had to go back to her house, get her car, and drive back to her work to leave our car there for the night. 

Is it possible for Richmond Hill to be a more uninviting city? I think not!

Maybe they don’t like the riffraff of family visiting their children.

Whatever their reason for making people’s visits so frustrating, it makes me want to grab a can of spray paint and graffiti something on their city hall.  

What am I thinking?! I’d probably have to get an account on their website to pay for a graffiti pass.

… You know, I feel a little better getting all that off my chest.

Here’s the thing: There are times when we get really frustrated with God. Maybe we are going through a difficult time, or God’s not answering our prayers. Often we bottle those feelings up and hold them against God. But instead, we should tell God how we feel. Let Him know your frustration. There are so many Psalms that start with the Psalmist wondering why God’s not helping, but by the end of the Psalm he has turned to praising God. Get it off your chest and see how God will change your feelings.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What’s been really bugging you lately? Leave your comments below.

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I’ve Got the After Easter Blues

I think I have the after Easter blues today, and I don’t really have any reason for it.

It’s not an unusual phenomenon to have after an emotional high, but it usually occurs when you are doing something out of the ordinary.

People who go to developing countries and help out in some way often experience the blues when they return home. The contrast of what we have here and what they don’t have there can be so shocking that their minds and emotions can’t deal with the contrast so they find themselves down with the blues for a while.

We get the blues when we’ve gone from an intense emotional state back to a normal state.

It’s like the way I get when I’ve eaten sugary food in the morning. I get a sugar spike and my body burns up that sugar really fast. Then it starts to beg for more. And when my body starts crying out “Feed me, Seymour” (a line from the play, “Little Shop of Horrors”), I get all weak, hot and sweaty. My body basically bottoms out.

It’s how we react when we come down from something that has been intense.

You wouldn’t think that Easter would be so intense an experience that it would cause the blues when it was all over, but somehow it did this year.

I’m not sure if it had something to do with the series of messages I did over Easter or not, but I’m still feeling a bit of a letdown just the same.

This year on Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, we looked at the difference the cross made to three different people.

We also had our annual meeting on Palm Sunday, which for me added a little intensity.

But probably the intensity culminated Easter weekend. For the Good Friday service I did a first person monologue as the Roman Centurion.

To prepare for the role, I had to put myself in the centurion’s shoes, requiring more emotion on my part than giving a regular message. I’m no actor but to make it effective, even in a little way I had to live the part.

Then Saturday night the Kingston Frontenacs battled for 6 periods of hockey (three overtime periods) to eliminate their opponents. It was a long and tension-filled game. I was wired when I got home from that.

I then had a very short turn-around before I preached my Easter message the next day on the third character.

When I think of it, I experienced a greater emotional output than usual this weekend, and now that it’s over, everything has just gone back to normal.

Well, maybe my system is not quite ready to return to normal yet … so I’m stuck in the blues for a day.

Here’s the thing: The reason I had such an emotional output this weekend is that in my messages we focussed on the greatest event for mankind. As amazing as creation was, and as powerful as the progress we humans have made, the fact that Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins, so we could have a relationship with God, is nothing less than a close brush with death that was avoided. Christ died for us – that’s emotional – and if you have put your faith in him, then it’s an emotional high.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you recover from a huge emotional output? Leave your comments below.

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It Really Was A Bittersweet Night

Last night I experienced the bittersweet feeling of winning and losing at the same game.

My wife, Lily, and I have a weekly standing date of attending the OHL Kingston Frontenacs’ home games.

Friday, as usual, we shared some popcorn and watched the action on the ice.

But it was a little different because, while our boys were playing in Kingston, the Canadian Junior hockey team was playing in Buffalo for a gold medal in the annual World Juniors tournament.

We got to see some great hockey in front of us, but in the back of my mind I was wondering how our national team was doing.

Part way through the game it was announced over the PA system that Canada was up 1-0.

That was some comfort, but the battle on the ice in front of us was intense.

Our boys were really playing well and dominating in many respects, but it was just a one goal game at the end of the first period.

In the second period, our guys were flying and scored two goals to put our team ahead 3-1 by the end of the period.

Back in the gold medal game, there was no more news … but when your team is ahead, no news is also good news.

Team Sweden was considered the team to beat. They had run the table in the regular round; in fact, they hadn’t lost in the regular round in 11 years.

Team Canada had one shootout loss to the United States in a snowy, outdoor affair that left all the Canadian fans chilled.

Now we were battling for the gold medal and we were ahead in the scoring.

Lily and I took a stroll around the arena at the end of the second period of the Frontenacs’ game. There was a calm, happy, “we have this game in the bag” kind of feeling in the air.

There was no hint of any trouble ahead until the start of the third period. The Fronts seemed a little flat – no energy, not skating well … and in the span of about five minutes, the Spitfires scored three goals and were up 4-3.

It happened so quickly; it was a shocker.

The rest of the period our boys threw a lot of rubber towards the Windsor net, but we couldn’t buy a goal and lost the match.

Just a five minute let down was all it took.

After the bitter loss we witnessed on ice, the arena switched to the World Junior game on the big screen.

We watched until the end of the second period where, with five minutes left, Sweden scored to tie it up.

All I could think was, “not another let down!”

Since I’m the Fronts’ team chaplain, we then left the stands to go chat with our boys. By the time we were done, there was just ten minutes left in the gold medal game so we headed back into the stands to watch.

With just under two minutes to play, Team Canada scored.

There was a celebration, not on the ice but on the big screen. We pocketed an empty-netter to seal the deal, and Canada won the gold medal.

At the same arena we watched our hometown team lose and then our Canadian team win gold. It was truly a bittersweet night. But it ended with the sweet!

Here’s the thing: There is a verse in the Bible that says you can win the whole world but forfeit your soul. That’s life’s bittersweet reality. Make sure your soul is secure so that in the end, when life is all over, you experience the sweet of Heaven.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: What would be bittersweet for you? Leave your comments below.

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Man, Was I Ever Set Up 

On a phone call to correct a mistake, I got set up for a fall.

The other day I made a phone call about a product I had purchased. I was hoping to get some help for a mistake I had made in ordering, but boy did it ever turn bad!

I had ordered a portable coat rack for my church and, when it came, I realized it was not going to work well at all.

The coat rack holds a high volume of coats and if we lived in a southern climate it would have worked perfectly. But here in Canada, we would be using it mostly over the winter months and there is no way it would work.

Instead of a bar that you would put hangers on, it came with hooks – 120 hooks to be exact – in groups of three.

This was a completely foreign concept to me, and somehow I thought we would still be able to use hangers on this coat rack.

When it arrived, however, I realized pretty quickly that hangers wouldn’t work. So I made the call and got set up.

Setups are common, especially for jokes. Jokes usually involve a rule of three: You set up a joke with two things that get the audience thinking in one direction, and then you slip in a third line – the punch line – that takes them in a different direction than they were thinking.

… Like what one comedian put on his answering machine: “Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m either speaking at a large conference, appearing on the Jimmy Fallon show, or I’m taking a nap. Please leave a message. I’ll call you back when I wake up.”

The third response throws a curve ball. And speaking of curve balls, baseball pitchers use a setup to get batters to strike out. A pitcher might throw two fastballs for strikes and then, for the third strike, throw an off-speed pitch like a change-up or slow curve to fool the batter.

This is exactly how I got set up. I made my phone call, talked to a receptionist, and told her my story. She very pleasantly said she would put me through to customer service.

The customer service person was also very friendly and you could tell she was there to help. But when she found out I was calling from Canada, she said, “I’m sorry. I will put you through to our Canadian office.”

A few seconds later, I got this guy on the phone who said in a gruff way, “What’s your issue?” Right away I could tell he didn’t want to help me at all.

I explained my mistake in ordering and he responded with, “I will have to check to see if they will take a return. It has to be in its original box, and you will have to pay a 15% restocking charge and make your own arrangements to ship it back.”

Did you see that? I got set up by two very pleasant people and then hit by the punch line from out of nowhere!

Here’s the thing: Life is often a setup. Things are going well, you expect more of the same, and then, the punch line, the curve ball and you never saw it coming. God is perfect for the setups in life. Just lean into Him to keep yourself from falling apart. He’ll get you through.

That’s Life!

Paul

Question: How do you normally deal with being set up? Leave your comments below.